The Journey Ahead

Are we ready for this? 

I clutched the pen in my hand, stopping in the middle of filling out the paperwork. I breathed in and out, in and out. Somewhere, on the other side of the red tape, is a sibling group who needs parents to love and support them. My husband of almost 3 years, Eric and I knew this was what the LORD was calling us to do. But these questions raced through my mind as I wrote my information, my family's information, etc, on the paperwork.

Can we do this? I had come a long way since last year, when I was battling crippling depression. I've learned (well, still learning!) to tend to the garden of my heart. My marriage, which had been put on the back burner, is thriving in spite of medical issues that have gotten in the way. 

We are not stupid. We are not going in this blind. We know our lives will change. Therapy appointments, school activities, extracurriculars, bedtime routines, consistency, actually packing lunches, and handling meltdowns, is what we are most likely going to be dealing with in the world of foster care and adoption. Still, the question lingers;

Will we be enough? I have worked in childcare for almost ten years, and just finished my third year in education, my second year in special education. I have seen meltdowns and the effects of trauma on children whose minds are not able to comprehend or process what they have gone through. I have been hit, kicked, bit, cussed at, and had furniture thrown at me. I have had experience in handling meltdowns and de-escalating children who found themselves at the edge and overwhelmed. But would all my training and experience be enough to help a child or children living in my house?

What if we cannot help them behaviorally or socially? I shudder at the thought that we could let these kids down. I have to go often to 2 Corinthians and remind myself that God's grace is sufficient. He will do what Eric and I cannot do. I pray that Holy Spirit helps us show these kiddos the heart of the Father.

Can we point them to Jesus? If these kiddos get nothing else from us, we want them to know that Jesus loves them. So, so much. How do you communicate that love to a child whose loved ones abandoned them or abused them?

Breathe. In, and out. In, and out.

I try not to get so bogged down with questions. Eric will tell you I am a chronic overthinker. By the grace of God, I was scrolling through Project Zero's Facebook page, and found this meme (link to the original is at the bottom of this post).

For those of you who do not know, Project Zero is a ministry that seeks to find forever families for children who are up for adoption (link to the Heart Gallery will be at the bottom of this blog post). 

Why are we doing this, you may ask? Because these children need a family. They need to be shown consistency. They need to grow up knowing they are loved unconditionally. But most importantly, they need to experience the love of the Father.

More on this journey to come. In the meantime, I will be doing a series on the blog all about tending to the garden of your heart (I mean, that is the name of the blog, no?). Stay tuned, readers!

~Jeannie

Mentioned in this blog:

https://www.facebook.com/TheProjectZero/photos/a.176425092449623/3975836619175099/ 

https://theprojectzero.org/index.php